Going back to the summer of 2018, I was a 37-year-old mum of 4 and had been talking about wanting to return to employment. But not back into my previous roles of working in a finance office or being self employed. I wanted to do something different, something I could potentially help just one person change their life. I wanted to study Psychology but was it really something a 37-year-old mum could accomplish? Was I being selfish even thinking of doing something for me? Was I missing out on my children? Were my children going to miss out on me?
And there it first appeared the mum guilt was starting just at the thoughts of possibly returning to education.
That September I began a Psychology degree with
The Open University as it felt at the time it was the easiest to be able to fit around my family. I did not want to appear selfish (how is it even possibly to feel selfish to want to better yourself – well to a Mum anything that does not involve your children can creates these feelings and questions). I completed the year with a pass and was happy that I had proved to myself I could do something, but I wanted more. I knew this was something I wanted to do long term and something I could do well, so began questioning is it possible for a now 38-year-old Mum to go to university full-time? Let alone a Mum of 4 children?
I
applied to my local university in the summer of 2019 and surprisingly was offered an unconditional place straight away and was starting in the September.
The feelings of dread and guilt were overwhelming.
It felt like everyday I was questioning my ability and my role as a mum. Feeling like I constantly needed to explain to people that I may be starting university, but I am still a Mum. The constant questions of people asking why I wanted to study did not help and increased the guilt and lack of belief in myself.
Starting back for the 2nd year in September 2020 was again scary I think after such a long time without studying over the summer it felt like it was all new again with the added
COVID-19
difficulties of now all the lectures being online (however I must give
The
University of Bolton
credit for the student support they offered). The recurring doubts of 'am I really up for this?' began popping up in my head and the guilt of spending time on lectures, having to be in the late evening when my children were in bed to not disrupt them even more.
The work also felt like it had definitely moved up another level during the 2nd year from the 1st years’ work. Not feeling like the basics, but when you start really having to learn all about the
brain
and be able to name parts of the brain down to the smallest part and a lot with very similar names however I got through it just like I did with the 1st year and by the end of the year gained in confidence. Even when needing to really come out of my confidence zone and complete two presentations. One being live, which had the added difficulty of having laryngitis at the time so at times my voice completely disappearing, not including the moment my son came into the room to give me a hug live in my presentation (the joys of children).
By the end of the 2nd year my results got released and somehow, I had yet again managed an average of a first which was in one way a shock and in another was a lovely reward as I really had put the time and hours into making sure my work was as at a standard, I wanted it to be. My questions of maybe I can do this were becoming you can and will do this?
We are now up to date in my reflection, and I am due to return in September 2021 to start my 3rd and final year and the one thing I have been preparing for since this beginning of my degree “the dissertation”. It is totally unbelievable that I have got to this point as three years ago I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would have been able to get to this point but somehow, I have and now I'm being asked to look at what next?
I now know I have the ability to carry out my dream.
Does it stop the dreaded imposter syndrome appearing? NO, but I am learning everyday to believe in myself, that in the last two years have my children suffered through me returning to education? NO, have I managed to get through not only passing but doing better than I ever thought possible? YES.
My hopes for the future are to carry on studying following my degree to gain my master’s and then to apply for a doctorate (I know how crazy) but with a little belief we can change our futures.
So why have I created this blog post? What do I want to accomplish from it? There is one reason I have wrote this and it is to give every Mum out there the confidence to say if you really have a dream, you do not need to let having children stop you. If I can complete a degree so, can you so go and do it.
We'd
love
to hear from you are you considering changing career or are you a parent who is studying? Leave a
comment below.
Debra Jones is a 2nd Year Criminological and Forensic Psychology Undergraduate Student at The University of Bolton. Debra is married with 4 children. Debra changed her career and is averaging a first!
If you are considering a change or career or are already studying and you need some help you can book in for a free 1-1 consultation to join the Coaching or Tutoring Programme with Sarah Edwards. You can book in here.
If you are Mum reading this and have been inspired then THIS is the book that will help you take the next steps. Success on Probation: A Step By Step System to Reform Your Life And Release Yourself From Your Mental Jail. Written by Sarah Edwards.